26 May

Understanding Your Own Resistance, Part 3

How do you move forward?

Much of the movement and change in my life has subsided. There is a wonderful stillness in my life today. I see that all of the transitions I was resisting against actually brought me to this point, here, where I sit more comfortably. Things are easy in many ways. Where I am at now is much better energetically for my soul’s purpose and work. And it’s much better for my family.

I could not have told you this would have been the outcome a few years ago. The changes seemed for a while to just keep coming and at times I felt like a wave rolling back and forth onto a beach. Sometimes you have to just roll with it. At some point during all the rolling, I surrendered, into all the changes.

If someone were to look at the flow of my life today, in a simple context, they might not think I have anything to resist to. Today, I have the luxury to have my own business, better myself, help others and spend time with my family. This is a win/win for me. I get the luxury to do it all.

What’s not to like about that? And still I find resistance lurking around corners. Like so many of us that are practitioners in mental health, I have been trained to pathologize things, even my own experience.

What do you think about your own resistance? Is this a part of yourself you need to get to know better? Do you judge it?

I know it’s not angry or depressed energy because when I sit in the resistance, when I embrace it, invite and feel it flow through me, it’s pure natural energy. It might feel uncomfortable but it’s not dysfunctional. It’s a natural tension we carry in us as human beings. Some of it may be unconscious stuff, just waiting for a voice. For me, often it’s my creative spirit, wanting to be free and create. Sometimes it’s a child in me that just wants to play. If I accept that part of myself, it’s much easier to embrace it and utilize that energy. There’s nothing wrong with that. Actually some might say the opposite -that this part of oneself is needed in order to be truly alive.

What do you think about your own resistive energy? Are you willing to take a closer look at it?

I must say, that it’s taken a long time to get to know the more fiery resistive part of myself. That resistive wild energy in me is connected not only to my spirit, but my feelings, my thoughts and my experiences, which all lead back to my career house and my soul’s work. I’ve learned that it’s not a thing outside of myself, but rather part of who I am.

I no longer judge it, and choose to embrace it. I bring it out more when I play with my kids, I surrender to it when I meditate or wax philosophical. I check in with it when I suffer. I accept it, in all of it’s shapes and forms.

How can you utilize your own resistance?

When I am open to my resistance, it doesn’t go away nor does it simply make things better. It’s not a symptom that when given a pill or insightful thought disappears. As much as I want to read an inspirational quote and in that moment have an “ah ha!” experience, it probably isn’t going to happen. And it’s fair to say, that resistance also isn’t just going to go away. It’s part of the human experience. But acknowledging it, bringing it into my awareness and accepting it, makes it easier because I’ve acknowledged that part of myself.

Which direction do you want to go?

Every person has their own process of self discovery and understanding. The good news and the bad new is: there is no tried and true way for me or anyone else to make this easier for you. The even better news is that you know yourself the best. You’re the driver behind the wheel, so what you choose to look at and/or work on will guide you on the path you are heading.

So, as my father would say, what are you going to do about it?

I visit with it or check-in. Sometimes I check in with myself daily. I wait for a quiet moment and then ask myself “where am on this project?” “oh I’m still resisting it, ok”. I sometimes journal about it, or talk about it. This is where I have found my therapy and coaching invaluable. Personally I need to explore it and bounce if off of someone.

Sometimes I invite that part of myself into my work. Sometimes I even surrender to it. When I surrender, that means that I also let go of the outcome for that particular situation or project. And then I move on. Into the next place my spirit needs to go. This helps me keep a balance in my mind and stay in a fluid engagement with life.

Read the full series on Understanding Your Own Resistance:
Understanding Your Own Resistance, Part 1
Understanding Your Own Resistance, Part 2
Understanding Your Own Resistance, Part 3

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